


like endless rain into a paper cup

by decayofanova



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - No Personas (Persona Series), Angst, Anxiety, Background Relationships, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild OmegaVerse, Omega Akira, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide Attempt, Unplanned Pregnancy, alpha maruki, grieving akira, past Goro/Akira, too good for this world takuto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:28:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decayofanova/pseuds/decayofanova
Summary: Takuto has a secret. It's nothing that hurts anyone, in fact he's saved over fifty people since he started two years ago. When he works really late, sometimes he takes a secret route in his cab. Takuto goes to a forest where people go when they don't want to come back.He's been there before. Takuto knows that life can become so painful you don't want to go on. But long ago someone had reached out to him when he'd been in that same spot on the hill ready to jump. Since then, Takuto uses his second chance to be that person to others if he can.One night that person happens to be a boy with stormy eyes named Akira.
Relationships: Kurusu Akira/Maruki Takuto, Maruki Takuto/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 14
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yo yo yiggity yo.
> 
> A quick note: this is going to be deeply personal to me and my own grieving process. I've cried already outlining. There will be pretty heavy topics including: attempts at suicide, death of a character (sorry Goro), mental illness including depression and anxiety. It's gonna be rough, but I swear I really do want these guys to be happy.

For a city with over nine million residents, Tokyo could be rather lonely.

Takuto Maruki often felt like an expert in the complex subject of loneliness. In fact, he spent a lot of time and money earning his doctorate to cure all the lonely hearts of the world. He’d been rather ambitious at twenty-eight. 

Still life often has its own plans for people, even him. 

If everything were up to Takuto, he’d be spending the rainy, cold night at home. Maybe in a king sized bed with his fiancée—although Rumi probably would’ve been his wife by now. Regardless, they’d be laughing and snuggling and Rumi would suggest they go for a walk with the hidden intent to get a late night snack at the gyoza stand she loved. 

And like an absolute fool in love, Takuto would agree and go with her.

Instead, Takuto laid shivering in his small bed in his even smaller apartment. He’s still going out into the night, but he'll be doing it very much on his own. There will be no sneaky kisses and warm hands to hold. No sweet whispers into the dark, neon lit sky. Just another lonely man in his early thirties in Tokyo.

Takuto would still get some gyoza though. It is the small things in life after all.

\---

_Welcome back listeners! You’re tuned into the station with all your favorite classic hits, The Velvet Room!_

The rain had barely let up since Takuto started his cab shift. Pelting the windshield, forming shiny dark puddles, and keeping most people inside their warm comforts. It definitely wouldn’t be a good night for tips.

He’d had some successful trips. An elderly woman needing a ride after the last train stopped running. A group of friends who definitely had too much to drink. Takuto didn’t mind their loud singing, a promotion is worthy of celebration. Other than those two and few quick drives from one street to the next, it was a boring shift.

Takuto’s eyes roam to the clock in the dashboard. Close to four in the morning. He lets out a sigh that had been weighing on him since half past one. 

Taking a sip of coffee that had long since gone cold, the man turns to exit onto the busier freeway. 

The chances of a new call were low enough that he felt fine trying out his “secret route” tonight. Takuto hopes it’ll be the same as it had been the last seven times.

\---

The winding road had become almost a second home to Takuto. If one could call a densely forested road where the body count reached the double digits in the past year a home. He certainly didn’t want to meet the person who felt that way.

It was like an urban legend. Don’t wander the streets too late or the ghosts of Nakamura Forest would come for you. They’re full of regrets so they’re especially angry. It was a great deterrent to younger people, but for Takuto it only fueled him.

A few years ago, he came close to joining the league of silent spirits. A time of his life he wasn’t necessarily proud of though he marked it as a turning point for the man he was today. After therapy and medication, he realized the power of hitting rock bottom.

Now on nights like this, when he feels the buzz under his skin, he takes his cab and searches the dark forest. 

In a terribly poetic way, the forest was a perfect spot to end your life. No one came out this far after the sunset. And if they did, more than likely they were there for the exact same reason you were. The tall trees, soft earth, and dim lighting from the sparse streetlights guide the lost souls higher and higher up the side of the mountain. Until you reach the spot where the road curves before the tunnel. Right where the guard rail is low enough for it to look like an accidental fall from trying to enjoy the sights. 

Takuto drives and drives looking for anyone who might be on the road. Maybe it’s selfish, remnants of his old self, trying to save people who deem themselves beyond salvation.

But if someone hadn’t done the same for him, hadn’t reached out when he was at the very edge of everything, he wouldn’t be out driving his cab that’s for sure.

Sometimes he was able to use his old skills as a therapist to pull people back into his cab and take them to the emergency room. He’d always leave a card with them letting them know to call if they even had a fleeting thought that he would be able to help them.

Sometimes they’d call or text or find him on social media. Takuto could slip into his old role as if it were as easy as donning a coat. Find the problem, soothe the hurt, learn to cope, and begin again. Any pain could be overcome as long as you take the first step and keep moving forward. 

Sometimes he’d never hear from them afterwards and Takuto would have to take his own advice. Soothe the hurt, learn to cope, keep moving forward. 

_You can’t save everyone Dr. Maruki._

No, no he couldn’t.

But Takuto _could_ do his best to try.

\---

He should’ve come earlier, although it could be argued he was right on time. 

He should’ve drank his coffee faster, when it was still hot, so he could’ve been quicker in his reaction time. 

Still, it wasn’t too late. The situation could be salvaged. 

“Good evening,” he calls out. Voice even and calm, gentle as the stress reducing pheromones he began to push out when he saw the ghostly figure. “I didn’t expect to see anyone out this late. I could use the company.”

The boy’s eyes reminded him of the storm clouds that had loomed over the city all day. Dark and heavy with too much moisture. Just like the clouds, the boy brimmed over with raindrops of his own.

“My name is Maruki,” Takuto takes even steps away from his cab. He leaves the engine running because he learned the hard way that if he fails to pull someone back from the edge, the silence echoes grotesque sounds he can’t get out of his head for weeks afterwards. “It’s nice to meet you.”

The boy’s face is vacant, a familiar expression to Takuto. Apart from the wet dripping down his face from both the rainy night and his tears he doesn't move at all. Takuto feels selfish standing under an umbrella, but he hoped it would entice the boy to want to come to him.

It’s difficult to hear over the pitter patter of rain and the wind blowing the trees. Takuto thinks he would’ve missed it if he hadn’t been watching the pink pout of the other boy’s mouth.

“Nice to meet you.”

The brunette man offers an easy smile, adjusting his glasses as he steps even closer. He has no fear being in the middle of the street. No one would be coming up here.

“Would you like to join me?” Takuto tries and sees the tension in the boy increase. “Nothing too forward, but I do have an extra umbrella in the trunk. I can get it for you so you can shield the rain. Then maybe we can take in the sights together?”

The boy listens before he nods. Dark curls dripping water down a pale neck. Clothes soaked through, gripping over lean muscles. Takuto assumes he must be in high school based on stature. 

He still had so much time left.

“Wonderful,” Takuto breathes out. “I’ll grab it for you.” 

One second is all it takes.

Takuto had been tired. He’d been driving all night and the rain had been soothing. He’d gotten used to just a few words being enough. 

How fucking stupid was he to turn his back on someone trying to kill themselves?

The squeak of shoes against the pavement sends chills down Takuto's spine. He throws his own umbrella, immediately assaulted by the rain, as he runs as fast as his own sneakers will let him. 

\---

Falling is an odd feeling. Multitudes of sensations for the brain to keep up with. It can be thrilling, reorienting your sense of gravity. Understanding where your body belongs in its space when your feet aren’t touching the ground as nature intended.

Takuto isn’t a fan.

The weight of the boy in his arms as they tilt over the edge offers some comfort. 

It’s morbid, but he thinks that if he can cushion the blow maybe the young man can still use a phone to call for help. Hell, he could loot Takuto’s corpse and get the keys and drive home. It won’t matter once he dies shielding the kid from the fall.

The last thing Takuto thinks before his body hits the side of the hill is that the boy is going to need a good therapist after this situation.

\---

It takes some time, well a few hours, before Takuto can actually string a thought together. The first one he comes up with is “ouch.”

He opens his eyes, vision blurred either from his missing glasses or head trauma, either was quite likely. Takuto is with it enough to realize he’s in a hospital but he can’t put together exactly how he got there. 

“Good morning sleeping beauty.”

Brown eyes slide over and Takuto tries to sit up to greet his friend before Shibusawa presses him back into the firm mattress.

“Uh no, no lifting your head allowed. You took quite the noggin knock my dear Takuto.” Shibusawa smiles easily. Takuto can’t keep his own eyes off the bags under his friend’s. He notices that Shibusawa is also dressed in pajamas. Weird since he's usually so put together.

“Whahappen…” Takuto slurs and Shibusawa presses a button at the top of the bed.

“Your bleeding heart is what happened. Really? Jumping off a cliffside in a suicide forest? Thought we were past this.”

Takuto thinks but it doesn’t make sense. He hadn’t tried jumping off a cliff since...since...wait. No he didn’t jump tonight. It was something else. Takuto was better, he didn’t have a reason to jump anymore. 

Wait.

Stormy eyes appear in his memory. The boy on the cliff!

“Whahappen to the kih?” Takuto tries to sit up again. This time his friend and a nice nurse press him back to the bed. He really needed to be still since moving made his eyes roll back.

“The kid whose life you prioritized over your own? He’s fine,” Shibusawa says before leaning back to let the nurse check over Takuto’s vitals. “At least that’s what I could gather since he left hours ago.”

_Hours?_

“Don’t, Takuto, I know you’re already overthinking even with a concussion.”

Sometimes he realizes his friend knows him too well. The nurse pokes and prods Takuto until the uncomfortableness of it all makes his brain wake up more. The nausea he feels supports Shibusawa’s comments on a concussion. Takuto takes in the rest of his body.

His arm is cast in a light blue sling. Fractured in two spots the nurse explains. He also has bruising up and down his back which explains the throbbing he feels. 

“Honestly son,” she says in a smoke roughened voice before increasing his pain meds through his IV. “It’s nothing short of a miracle you and the kid brought in with you survived.”

Takuto’s eyes widened, making him wince quickly after.

“Can you tell me anything about his condition?” The nurse places a gloved hand on her hip before narrowing her eyes at Takuto.

“Are you related to him in some way? His alpha or something?”

Shibusawa snickers as the flush rises on Takuto’s cheeks. 

“Well, er, no.”

“Then you’ve already answered your own question honey.”

If Takuto’s left arm hadn’t been broken he would’ve swatted the shit out of Shibusawa for cackling. 

\---

He’s discharged the next morning and Shibusawa drives him back to his apartment downtown. Apparently, Takuto’s cab is at the police station so the men will have to arrange a time for him to try and pick it up. Not like he’ll be driving it for the next six weeks. You know, broken arm and all. 

“Shouto if you try and pick me up one more time I will bite you.” 

“Taku-chan is such a grump without his sweet pain medication.”

\---

It takes Takuto two weeks of his self imposed “healing isolation” to feel some mild form of insanity coming in. It had been easy at first. Rest while Shibusawa hung around the apartment to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. Technically Takuto had to be put under suicide watch since he did jump off a cliff. It was for a good reason!

When he wasn’t resting he was high off his ass on pain pills. He’s sure Shouto still has the videos. They were pretty funny when sober. 

Between resting and drugs, Takuto ate meals he’d prepped before the accident along with any takeout Shibusawa brought back. After three days, his friend made sure he could get around by himself before heading back to his own place.

It reminded Takuto a little of their old college days. It had been over a decade, but even so it still felt nice having someone around for longer than the time it took to drop them off in a cab. 

Takuto knows that the desire for human companionship is normal. It just seems silly for the instinct to have shown its head _now_ after he’d come to terms with being alone. 

It drives him to put on his shoes and jacket, which still takes some getting used to with the sling, before he heads out into the crowded streets of downtown Tokyo. It’s his first trip outside the apartment. The plan is to stop at a dessert cart to get a drink and pastry before climbing back into bed.

It’s a nice day for it being April, although still a little cooler than one would expect so late in the spring. Takuto blames it on the near constant cloud cover.

Stormy eyes. Water trickling down a pale neck. _Squeak, squeak, leap_.

The man places a palm over his head, careful of the new pair of glasses perched on his nose. Takuto had to let go of the memory. His sanity depended on it. Shibusawa said the kid was fine, Takuto had accomplished what he set out to do that night. Reach out to someone who had needed help. 

Okay maybe he had gone a _little_ above and beyond. 

Still, guilt weighed on the brunette. He didn’t follow protocol and calculated a lower risk than there had been. Takuto often found himself awake at night, unable to sleep since he was starting to wean off his meds, wondering how he could’ve gone about it better.

He wouldn’t have turned his back for starters.

Maybe he should’ve asked the boy’s name, people were more likely to connect when they shared something about themselves. 

At the time he thought it would’ve been too bold to ask the younger man to share the umbrella, but maybe that could’ve been what he needed. The rotating questions often gave him a headache. 

Takuto has to believe that the workers in the emergency room did their jobs and assessed the boy well. That he was okay enough to return home. That he had been welcomed back into a warm embrace. So thankful at a second chance at life at the expense of Takuto’s battered body that he would live every day like it was his last.

The alternative would be too much for the soft hearted alpha to bear. 

\---

Takuto’s trips around Tokyo increased over the next week as he felt more up to moving around. He didn’t do well with too much free time. Shouto had been recommending a café in the suburbs for months ( _best coffee in all of Japan my guy_ ) and Takuto figured he had an open enough schedule to make the trip. 

The neighborhood was nice. Filled with eccentric characters if the overheard conversations were anything to go by. Takuto found Leblanc easily, snuggled in an alley next to what looked like a family home. It was warmer out as the month began closing. The sunnier weather teasing summer's incoming heat. 

Takuto missed the cloudy skies since cooler air made his cast less itchy. At least he didn’t have to wear the sling anymore. 

\---

The shop was small, as expected of a cafe that wasn’t chain operated. Booths lined the wall and patrons sat at the stools at the counter. Takuto expected the smell of coffee, but was very surprised at the plates of curry. Shibusawa did mention that Leblanc had an interesting menu. 

“Welcome! Please take a seat.” A young girl with orange hair and large glasses chirps from her spot at the register. Takuto slides into a booth closest to the door. There’s more people than he expected for midmorning. Luckily he isn’t in any sort of rush to be anywhere but here. 

Takuto kills time by scrolling through his phone. It grows dull quickly since he doesn’t have many notifications. He does smile at the post of a woman he’d helped a while ago. She’s been hiking through Japan with her new dog and today she posted a breathtaking view of her camp. 

The alpha smiles softly to himself, happy to have saved her and be able to witness as she takes her pain and moves forward through it. 

“Good morning, sir.” 

Takuto’s thoughts are interrupted as a creamy hand places a glass of water down in front of him. He looks up and almost yelps at the sight. Black wavy hair. Stormcloud eyes. Pale throat, lightly bruised from someone grabbing it close as they plummeted off a hill together. 

“Sir?” The boy doesn’t recognize him. Takuto can’t decide if that’s good or bad. 

“Oh, uh sorry. Good morning, how are you?”

The man, Akira, his name tag says, presses his pink lips together before the turn into a soft smile. 

“Fine?” Akira’s voice cracks and he quickly looks away from Takuto. “Sorry no one ever really asks how I am.” 

The alpha turns on a dazzling smile. “Well that’s no good. Everyone deserves a little kindness, don’t you think?” 

Akira’s cheeks flush a pretty pink before he pulls out a small paper pad.

“What can I get for you this morning?”

Oof, shut out. That’s okay, Takuto used to experience this from his younger clients all the time. He folds his hands in his lap before speaking.

“This is actually my first time here, but I’ve been recommended the Sakura Special from a close friend.” Takuto watches as Akira scribbles down the order before tucking the pad back into the green apron. He hadn’t noticed before but the man’s wrists were bandaged. Akira must’ve been more banged up from there fall than he imagined.

He was alive though and that was the most important part. 

Akira quietly lets Takuto know that his order will be on the way before retreating behind the counter to assist the orange haired girl from earlier. Takuto doesn’t mean to, but he can’t take his eyes off the young man.

It’s like he’s walking around in a glass box, it’s the best way Takuto can envision it. Akira keeps a wide berth from everyone around him even in such a small shop. Customers try to interact and the dark haired man gives a polite nod before going to do something else. He avoids physical contact, which if Takuto is correct at guessing this piece of the puzzle that is Akira, is strange for an omega. 

People around Akira see him, but can’t get too close to hear. The reach out to touch but there’s a barrier. Takuto wonders what could have driven the young man up the hill in the forest those weeks ago. 

\---

Shibusawa was right. The coffee and curry combo was amazing. Takuto is sure to praise Akira as he pays his bill. Partially to see if the boy responds to positive interaction and also to see that pink blush again. Both results are favorable.

“Please come again.” Akira says and Takuto wonders how much of it is shyness that pushes the young man to keep his voice so quiet. 

“I’ll be sure to do so,” the older man responds before looking Akira in the eyes. He pulls a card from his pocket and slides it to Akira along with a tip. “Have a great rest of your day okay?”

Takuto had written a note on the back of the card. He hopes it jogs some sort of memory because Takuto really wants to help Akira if he’s willing to let him. Maybe he’ll text, maybe he’ll tear the card up and flush it down the toilet.

Takuto knows he should be happy Akira is alive at all. But something deep down in his gut won’t let him rest until he knows for certain that the boy isn’t just alive until the next attempt. Takuto needs to know that he’s choosing life. 

It’s selfish, but Takuto will readily admit he’s got a hell of a track record of being greedy.

\---

Akira reads the note and immediately wishes he hadn’t. The omega had suspected when he picked up the scent from him as soon as he came in. After all it’s hard to forget the smell of the man whose body shielded you from dying.

“Ooh you’re blushing, did that guy give you his number or something?” Futaba teases as she tries to peek over her taller friend’s shoulder. Akira lifts the card higher as he pockets his tip. It was way too much money for simply bringing him his coffee and plate.

“Don’t you have a till to run?”

“You’re no fun.”

Akira takes his third bathroom break of the morning before locking himself in the stall and reading the note again.

_It can be scary moving on. If you’re open, I’d like to be someone that can help. My number is on the front and I’m always available to talk. There’s always a future as long as you take the steps to make one._

_-Dr. Takuto Maruki_

Moving on. A future. Akira places a hand over the small bump between his hips. With the warmer weather it was going to be harder to keep hiding this thing under layers. The omega sighs before typing the phone number of this _Maruki_ into his contacts. 

Akira figures he owed him a thank you at least.


	2. Chapter 2

“We’re here if you ever need to talk.”

_ I know. _

“Seriously man, any time. He was our friend too so like we all are kinda going through it.”

_ Are you? _

“Ryuji I’m not sure dogpiling like this is helpful.”

_ It isn’t. _

“Well neither is freezing up like this. Akira we’re worried about you.”

_ Please don’t. _

“I promise if I need to talk I will call you guys, I’m just still...processing it all.”

_ I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to feel understand. If I let it in I don’t know if I’ll make it out alive.  _

_ And I don’t know if I want to either. _

\---

In a cold attic loft, Akira lies on a pillow that still smells like coconut shampoo. It shouldn’t, enough time has passed. But it does and for that he isn’t sure whether to curse or be thankful.

He isn’t sure of a lot anymore. 

He isn't sure why he still does most things.

_ Click click click  _

“You’ve reached Goro Akechi. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.” 

Akira hangs up. Why leave a message he knows no one will hear. It doesn’t stop him from calling again to hear the words. 

_ I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. _

It’s a lie. A hurtful lie. 

When calling isn't enough (it's never enough) Akira goes to his own voicemail and finds the string of messages he needs. 

“Kurusu-kun? This is Akechi. I’m supposed to bring you notes for the classes you missed. Do you often get sick? You need to take better care of yourself. Call me back and we can work on a meetup.” 

Akira wants to smile at how young he sounds. Instead his face stays frozen in his neutral mask. He plays the next message.

“Kurusu-kun. Akechi again. You left your jacket at my house. Staying warm is the first step to staying healthy, so call me back as soon as possible.” 

_ He cares so much about me. _ Play next.

“Akira?” His heart lurches just the same as when Goro first called him by his name. “I’m standing under the green sign. Wait is that you? I think it is. Hey Kuru—” 

It’s starting to hurt. Why is it starting to hurt? Play next.

“Good evening my dove,” his chest tightens. “I’m running behind, you know how work is. But I’ll see you soon  _ and  _ I’ve got dinner so don’t eat yet.”

That was when Goro got promoted and they could move closer to the city. They had sushi. Akira remembers the pink on his cheeks from the sake. 

He should stop this.

Next message. 

“Eh?” There’s a shuffling from what Akira imagines is Goro digging through his bag to reach his phone. “Akira? Oh oops, I think I accidentally pushed to call, sorry dove. Love you anyway see you soon.”

Love you echoes around his head and he swears he’s going to throw up. Why does he do this? 

Final one.

“I tried texting but I think you’re asleep,” Goro slurs. “Don’t worry about calling me back because I’ll be back home and in our bed before you even wake up.” Akira buries his nose in Goro’s pillow. “I love you so much, and okay maybe I’m just a little drunk but you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I need you to know that.” 

Something wet touches Akira’s chin. It’s either a tear that he let escape or blood from how hard he’s biting his lip. 

“I love you Akira, my sweet little dove. So so much, no matter what. Okay good night see you in the morning.”

It feels like someone has their hand around his throat and is squeezing. But he doesn’t really care. Nothing matters that isn’t the phone in his hand replaying a distorted version of Goro’s voice in his ear. 

It doesn’t hold the same warmth, adoration, all the feelings the omega had grown addicted to, there’s no comparison. 

But it’s all he has left. He’ll take what he can get. 

The pillow helps some. The weird feeling in his stomach helps some too. Spots float in his vision as he replays the last one. 

“I love you so so much”

_ I love you too _

“Okay good night see you in the morning.” 

_ Please.  _

“See you in the morning”

_ Goro please.  _

“See you” 

_ I miss you  _

An alarm blares in his ear, breaking the spell, making him breathe. Akira checks his phone, surprised even though he had been the one to set the appointment. 

_16 week check up._ A bittersweet reminder of all the time that had passed. 

He should be happy.  _ He doesn’t deserve to be happy.  _

Akira pinches the meat of his thigh to stop the thought. Pain has always been his best teacher. It’s about an hour until his appointment and it’s a thirty minute train ride to the clinic. That should leave him enough time to get dressed and have something to eat if he can stomach it.

His old diet of coffee for breakfast has been severely limited since this whole pregnancy thing, increasing his headaches. Akira wishes he could be normal and solve it with drinking water like normal humans do, but caffeine just makes everything better.

He sighs as he pulls a clean long sleeved black shirt over his frame. He should be able to sacrifice this much. Looking at himself, apart from the dark circles under his eyes, bruising around his neck, and the still fairly small swell of his stomach, he doesn’t think he looks that much different. 

He’s gotten pretty good at lying to himself lately.

Akira had always been thin. Long and lean with wiry muscles stretched over bone. He’d filled out some when he helped Ryuji and Ann with their training, but really he knows he doesn’t look his age. 

Perpetual baby face, Goro calls it. 

Used to call it. _ Fuck.  _

Akira slides on his dark leggings, the ones Ann recommended because they have pockets, before bouncing down the stairs into Leblanc. 

He’d gotten a job as a barista a few months ago when he realized, holy shit I don’t have any money, and somehow the owner hired him with no experience. And no address because he lost the apartment he shared with Goro. 

Sojiro must be an angel or something. 

“Morning kid,” the older man greets from behind the counter. Leblanc is quiet. No one inside to fill the space of time between morning rush and the later crowd that comes for lunch. “Futaba’s on campus today so it’s just us running the show.”

“I actually have an errand to run this morning, if that’s okay.” 

Sojiro doesn’t even lift his head from his newspaper. “Sure thing.”

“I promise I’ll be back later today.” Akira tries, settling down in the stool to start their routine. Sojiro notices him and stands to start plating out his curry for breakfast.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve been doing this long enough a day without you won’t kill me,” Sojiro doesn’t notice Akira flinch at the word. “Honestly though it’s fine. You’ve been working like crazy lately, I feel kind of bad. Do you need to take a break or something?” 

Sojiro gestures to Akira’s mid section, making Akira pause the spoon he’d brought to his lip. He hadn’t exactly come forth and let his boss know he was pregnant but the evidence was getting harder to hide. He’d already been covering himself in scent patches since moving into the attic of the store, so his twelve week scent change hadn’t clued anyone off early.

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine,” Akira lies around a bite of rice. “I’m not in school or anything so I’ve got time.” Too much time some days. Akira knows if he stops moving, he’ll fall apart like a cheap toy. 

Sojiro shrugs before brewing a cup for Akira. He notices the man using a decaf blend. 

“Just make sure you take care of yourself. Futaba said you were looking sick a few weeks ago, you know how weather changes can get to us.”

Right, Sojiro was an omega too. They were more sensitive to the seasonal changes. 

“Thank you Sakura-san,” Akira whispers before continuing to eat. His eyes catch someone with outside the window. He follows the movement until realizing what he'd been doing and stopping himself.  He’s not sure why he’s been interested in finding men with fluffy hair and glasses and beards that look like they would scratch his fingers if he touched it. He’s going to blame it on hormones.

Still, Akira has been waiting for the man to come into Leblanc again. Maruki’s number is saved in his phone but he can’t bring himself to make contact. It’s his own stubbornness he’s sure, but mostly what would he even say?

_ Sorry you got hurt trying to save me?  _ Maruki seems the type who would gladly do it again. 

_ Why did you reach for me? You saw what I was trying to do? _ No, maybe he should be positive instead. His note, that maybe Akira had read multiple times, did talk about moving on. A future. 

_ Thanks doctor for nearly killing yourself trying to stop me because I got to learn I’m pregnant with my mate’s child.  _

That could work, he seems sappy, like he’d enjoy that kind of thing. But would that be weird? It had almost been a month since night. Maybe he’d be better off scrapping the whole thing and just letting fate decide when he’d see the alpha who doesn’t understand boundaries again. 

The bell to the shop door rings.

“Oh, hello again.”

His life is a cosmic joke.

“Akira!”

The omega snaps at the shout of his name. There’s a shattered white mug by his feet, coffee spreading across the floor.

None of the men move, Sojiro and Maruki looking at Akira, while the omega starts to pant. It’s too quiet. Why is he here? _ Didn’t you want him here? _ I don’t know. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Akira murmurs, heart thundering in his chest. He hops off the stool, moving past Sojiro, to get the broom from the storage closet. It’s the third mug he’s broken this month. Sojiro is going to get tired of him soon.

“Sakura-san I’m sorry.” 

“Akira, it’s no big deal, everyone drops mugs. Are _you_ okay?” The older man comes to Akira’s side of the counter. “Did you get cut?”

It would be what he deserves. He shouldn’t be here right now, not when Goro isn’t. 

Sojiro grabs the broom from Akira, clapping his hands on the boy’s shoulders. 

“You need to calm down.” 

“I’m fine.” Akira feels it start in his chest, moving up higher and higher until it settles into his throat. “I’m okay.”

He doesn't need all these people witnessing him being weak. Not again.  Maruki stands in his spot at the door watching Akira and it makes him clench his teeth. Why is he looking at him like that? Pity in his stupid eyes? Just like that night. Just like, just like. 

“Hey uh, I think he’s having a panic attack.”

Is that what this is? This suffocating feeling? Muscles twitching and locking like he’s running for his life but his body is rooted to the spot? This is awful. 

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

_ It’s what you deserve. _

“I’m a doctor, could I help?”

Akira’s eyes are still unfocused as Sojiro releases his hold on the omega’s shoulders. Maruki steps forward, calm and steady. Just like that night and Akira’s knees almost buckle at the memory.

_ It’s raining and cold. _ No, he’s in Leblanc. 

_ His stomach hurts and he wants to throw up. _ It’s because you’re pregnant, you idiot.

Right, right, Goro’s still here. He’s here inside, and Akira has to protect him. 

“Goro?” Akira whimpers out as new arms fold around his shaking body. “Goro?”

“That’s good, keep speaking,” a voice that isn’t his mate’s rumbles gently. “If you can speak then you can breathe right? Just keep breathing for me.”

\--- 

_ Breathe for me Kurusu. _

Akira’s on the school roof. And Goro is there and he’s holding his hand. The roof had the best space for breathing out of every hiding spot in Shujin. Why their student council president would be up there helping the weirdest kid in school is a mystery to him. 

But Goro is there, standing tall in his black blazer with the shiny, silver buttons. Goro is there, working Akira down from his panic attack. Goro is there, listening as Akira explains that alphas had been chasing him again. Goro doesn’t blame him for his “too enticing” scent. Doesn’t say he should be flattered at the attention.  Goro marches down the stairs, finds the alphas, and makes them kiss the pavement in apology for their perverted behavior. 

After school, when Akira knows Goro should be leading the student council with the vice president Niijima-senpai, the alpha is the one to find him and apologize again. 

“Alphas like that give our school a bad reputation,” he explained. “It’s our job to look after precious little first years like you.” Goro’s beet red face is adorable when Akira explains that he’s actually a second year. When Akira laughs so hard it feels like he’ll never get air to his lungs again, Goro is still there smiling in embarrassment and reminding him to just keep breathing. 

\---

Takuto holds Akira like it’s the most important thing left for him to do on this planet. Though it’s been years, the instinct as a counselor and an alpha is still the same. Akira needed help, so Takuto will provide it.

He isn’t sure who exactly  _ Goro _ is. When he looked over to the man who had been holding the omega before, he gave him a glare that clearly translated to “do not ask." It’s fair, Takuto supposes. He is the stranger in this situation, the person who just happened to step into this slice of their lives. 

It takes Akira fifteen minutes to come back and five more to even out his breathing enough that Takuto feels safe enough to let go. When he looks down on the boy’s face the poor thing is beet red. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks, watching as Akira crosses his arms over his chest.

“Like an idiot.” A tiny smile crosses Takuto’s face but he pulls it away quickly. He wouldn’t want Akira thinking he was making light of his heavy feelings.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Takuto offers only to be interrupted by a phone alarm. Akira quickly pulls out his phone, glances at the screen, and then bites his lip. Takuto notices the pretty pink is bruised, likely from biting.

“I’m late.” 

That’s certain, Takuto doesn’t mean to think as he drags his eyes down to the bump under Akira’s sweater. 

“For your errand?” The owner asks before sliding a to-go cup that smells like hot cocoa into Akira’s hand. “Do you need me to close up and drive you? It’ll be faster than the train.” Takuto watches the tension rise in the omega’s slight frame, and he isn’t sure if it’s his gentle heart or innate need to serve others that makes him offer his own car.

“I’m allowed to go over the speed limit actually, so I can get you there in no time.” 

The owner looks at Takuto, which is again fair. He is a stranger and an alpha, offering a ride to an omega that just had a panic attack. He understands the hesitancy. 

He doesn’t understand Akira’s quick agreement to his offer though.

“If that’s okay. I can’t be late.”

That’s how Takuto winds up blitzing through midtown Tokyo with a stress scented omega in the front seat of his taxi. He’s noticed that Akira is a quiet person, which is fine. Takuto appreciates silence, however if the omega is as anxious as his pheromones smell then maybe he can try and help. 

He wants to believe it’s just from the anxiety of being late to what must be somewhere important, but that would be foolish. So Takuto tries.

“Is there a station you’d like?”

“I don’t listen to music.” Akira answers firmly. 

“That so?” Takuto replies, moving his hand away from the screen. “Would you prefer a podcast? I have a few I need to catch up on.” 

Akira shrugs, “It’s your car Maruki-san.”

Well Takuto can’t argue with that.

\---

The location is snug between a drug store and some sort of apartment complex. Takuto recognizes that whatever errand Akira is running here is related to his condition, but something inside him doesn’t want to let a pregnant teenager enter an unmarked building in a bad neighborhood. 

“Do you need me to come with you?” Takuto asks before he can stop himself. Akira looks at him confused. 

“No thank you.” He opens the door to slide out. “Um, thank you for the ride, Maruki-san.” The alpha smiles.

“It’s no trouble, I can wait out here for you until you’re done okay? No worries.” 

Akira shrugs, pulling his bag over his shoulder and walking inside. Takuto turns off his car and the light that signals he’s available for rides. Something in him just won’t settle until he has Akira back safe in his cab. 

Shibusawa had already become concerned over his “diet obsession” the past month. Takuto wasn’t obsessed in any way, shape, or form. That would be immoral. He just wants to make sure that Akira has someone looking out for him. 

If he wanted to be that someone then was that so wrong? Adults should look out for the next generation, it’s just the right thing to do.

\---

Akira dislikes the low-cost omega health clinic for many reasons. The obnoxious posters on the wall telling him that he was brave for “choosing life.” The crying babies and annoyed mothers bouncing them in their laps. And don’t get him started on the cacophony of scents enclosed in the small space.

The worst part, hands down, has to be the staff.

“You can’t keep being late, Kurusu. We’re going to start charging you a fee.”

He arrived right on time thanks to Maruki’s speeding.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you have more reliable transportation?”

“No.” 

“Hmph. Well let’s get you checked in before the midwife comes.” 

The nurses love to scold Akira. If it’s not one thing it’s another, so he’s all but given up on trying to appease the impossible standards set.

It’s not a new feeling for him, being told he’s not good enough. Still, it’s been a while and maybe he’s let his walls get a little too thin if he was already feeling teary eyed. 

“Losing too much weight still,” the nurse clicks her tongue as Akira steps off the scale. “It’s always the young omegas so worried about their weight. Your baby is going to be too small if you keep this up. We want a fat happy baby you understand?”

Akira nods, mutely following the woman into the private room. He can’t control his appetite, but they don’t seem to believe him when he tries to explain. 

“Your last scent sample was still high in cortisol, are you keeping up skinship with the father of your child?” Akira’s body tenses.

“No.”

“Is there a reason why not?”

Well cuddling with corpses is generally frowned upon.

“We aren’t together anymore.”

Akira tunes out the nurse’s lamentation of young omegas and progressive lifestyles and back in my day _blah blah blah_. He’s only pulled back into his situation when he feels the familiar twist of his stomach lurching. 

If the nurse disliked him already, she loathed him after having to clean his breakfast off the floor.

\---

The meeting with his midwife is a little better. She at least sticks to professional conversation. 

“You missed your last appointment,” she notes. There’s a pause and Akira knows she’s waiting on him to explain why. He isn’t in the mood to explain he tried to kill himself, so he stays silent. “Is using public transport a problem? I know some omegas get more anxious as the baby grows.”

“I think that might be it.” 

The midwife takes a note before motioning for Akira to lie back and pull up his shirt.  “Well that’s alright, we just need to measure and get heartbeats today. Next appointment is the big one, so try and make that one okay?”

There’s gooey warmth on his stomach followed by the pressure of a doppler. He still isn’t used to hearing his body from the inside out. The midwife moves with all the assurance of someone who’s done this hundreds of times before but still startles when there’s a loud thump against the mic. 

“Ooh little punch or kick there, you still haven’t been able to feel any movement?”

Akira shakes his head, keeping his black sweater rolled up. They’d determined during his first ultrasound that his placenta was against the front of his womb so any kicks or rolls would be harder for him to feel early. 

How similar to their father the baby is, keeping themselves out of Akira’s reach too. He hadn’t realized he’d been crying until he felt the midwife dabbing a tissue to his cheek. 

“Hormones happen sweetie. Let’s get you some scans. Then we can get cleaned up and scheduled for next time okay?”

Slowly Akira unfreezes the air in his lungs. A whisper in his head reminding him to “just breathe” makes it easier. 

\---

Takuto nearly sags with relief as he watches Akira descend the cement steps of the building. He knows, logically, there was nothing to worry about. 

For some reason, logic is hard around Akira.

“Everything went well?” Takuto asks and Akira shyly keeps his eyes down. Takuto follows and gasps softly at the pictures Akira holds in his pale hands.

Four ultrasounds with black and white swirls, like little solar systems through a telescope. 

“I think so,” Akira says, soft as the breeze outside the car. “You can look, if you want.” He holds the pictures towards Takuto and the alpha is sure he radiates his gratefulness. Sharing something like this is a good first step to building trust. 

“Thank you,” he chirps looking over the labels pointing to the baby’s nose and chin. Their rounded head and tiny fingers and toes. 16 weeks, about four months then. Takuto wonders what had happened a month ago then, Akira would have been far enough to know he was carrying. 

He catches the family name on the top of the page, Kurusu. 

Akira Kurusu then. Good to know.

\---

“I know they don’t look like much,” Akira murmurs, a hand stroking over his stomach trying to feel for any sign that the last piece of Goro Akechi is actually in there. He’s seen them on screen, heard their little heart beat, and they make him throw up and have to piss a lot. But until he can feel them wiggling around, it just isn’t the same. “You don’t have to pretend to be interested.” 

Maruki laughs, and begrudgingly, Akira admits he likes the sound. No one really laughs around him anymore. Like they’re afraid to be happy or something. It’s probably for the best none of his friends know about his attempt to swan dive into a forest.

“I wouldn’t look if I wasn’t interested,” Maruki passes the photos back to Akira who uses his phone camera to capture them before sliding everything back into his bag. “Any more errands today? I can take you wherever you need to go.”

He thinks about it. His break had turned into a free afternoon after Sojiro texted him to take the day off. Where was he supposed to go? He can’t hide in his nest at Leblanc since Sojiro will ask why he’s back home. Ryuji’s at Yusuke’s for the weekend. Ann might be available, but she also might be in the middle of a photoshoot. Her schedule was finicky like that. 

Free time made him antsy, he needed something to do and quickly. 

“Can you take me to the mall? I don’t have anything for a baby.”

\---

Takuto is surprised by the request, but agrees all the same. He starts the car, getting much faster now that his arm’s been put in the softer cast, hopeful that if Akira is planning to shop for a child then he’s not planning on making any trips to dark forests any time soon.

He’s hopeful, not certain, because from his own past he remembers filling the fridge in his home the day he followed that same road. Habits mean nothing if you’re suicidal.

\---

Hours later, they’re both exhausted. 

The underground mall didn’t really have the big things Akira would probably need. A crib for starters, a changing table, dressers for clothes, or any of the furniture pieces his internet search told him he’d need. So he ended up with a few onesies and a stuffed black and white cat plush.

Maruki had been oddly reassuring through the trip. It was weird at first, combining the two biggest secrets of his life. Yet it made sense in a way. He would’ve never known he was pregnant if Maruki hadn’t found him that night. He can’t tell anyone about either of those things so Maruki should be the one to help him with this right?

It’s selfish, but the alpha hasn’t complained yet.

Defeated, Akira makes his way to sit on a bench near a water fountain. The rushing water making his brain a little easier to deal with. 

“Well, isn’t this a surprise?” 

Akira looks up into the relaxed face of Maruki. The alpha lets out a sigh before joining him on the bench.

“What is?” 

Maruki tilts his head at Akira’s question, adjusting the frames over his nose. He tries to place his hands in his pocket, but Akira notices the casted hand makes it difficult.

“I didn’t expect such a nice fountain is all.” Brown eyes fall back on the trickling water. Akira didn’t know Maruki well, at all really, but it sounded like something the man would be happy about. 

“It’s always been here,” the omega states. “Well it has been since I moved here three years ago.” Maruki hums, still watching the water. 

“Moving can be hard in middle school,” Maruki muses. “But I bet you’re excited for your final year of secondary huh?” 

Akira smiles, a soft jagged thing, but a smile nonetheless. “Maruki-san, I’m out of school, I graduated two years ago.” An embarrassed blush tints the alpha’s cheeks, along with a spike of cedar and apple. Oh, he must be sensitive to teasing. 

“It’s okay, I know I look young for twenty.”

“It’s not that, I mean twenty  _ is _ still young Kurusu-san,” Maruki stammers before messing up his chestnut waves with his non-casted hand. “I guess I just feel silly for assuming.” 

Akira tilts his head to  _ really _ look at Maruki for the first time. When his vision isn’t blurred by tears and rain, he sees that the man is much younger than what Akira thinks of when he imagines a doctor. Is it the glasses? He’s got a look that he can hear Ann describing as “cute” while Ryuji would call him a “dweeb” even though Akira admits they look similar. Frizzy hair and glasses will do that to you. 

“You look pretty young Maruki-san, how old are you?”

“Thirty two this past November,” the man admits, scratching a finger into his fuzzy chin. “You can see why learning your age is a bit of a relief.”

“Oh I see,” the omega lightly taunts. “Not good for a doctor to be seen roaming Shibuya with a pregnant teen.” Maruki’s lips squeeze in a firm line, but the tension doesn’t meet his eyes.

“No doctor here, just a cab driver.”

Akira wants to argue that he wrote “doctor” on his note to him, ready to pull it out of his bag as proof. But maybe this once he could let a small thing go. If he wants to call himself a cab driver, Akira will let him. He’s got enough problems of his own.

He can’t carry people’s burdens like that anymore.

“Well thank you anyway, you didn’t have to follow me around all day. I’m sure you had other plans,” Akira rubs more circles into his stomach, not noticing the way Maruki’s eyes follow the pattern. “Can I at least buy you dinner or something? As thanks for today and um, the other thing.”

\---

So he does remember, Takuto muses. He had figured as much, but hearing it out loud is a relief. 

“How about I buy and you repay me with your company?” Takuto asks and enjoys a soft pinkness to Akira’s face. 

“My company isn’t worth much, but sure.” 

Takuto reaches out, only to pat Akira’s arm gently in reassurance, but the omega flinches back anyway. Takuto is quick to remove himself from Akira’s space, holding his hands up to show him that he’s a safe distance.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you have a right to your space. I overstepped," Maruki assures, standing and grabbing Akira's bags. "If it's worth anything, your company is priceless Kurusu-kun. so please, let me buy you dinner, okay?"

Takuto watches Akira's face twist into a smile he must be unused to showing, but it's there. He takes an odd pride in it. The omega nods before standing as well to follow Takuto away from the fountain. Maybe it was a small misstep to assume Akira wanted to be touched, but there was no doubt that they were making progress.

One step at a time, Takuto would get Akira used to smiling again.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few weeks, Takuto learns more about Akira through their dinner “dates”. Really it’s any label one sticks on a meal because sometimes Akira wants to meet at five in the morning to talk over lemon pepper bagels. Takuto understands, pregnancy can do that to a person. And since he’s someone who can make his own schedule, he doesn’t mind following Akira’s lead. If he’s supposed to have a sense of shame over enjoying time with his new friend, he certainly hasn’t yet. 

At first their talks are surface level. Things he can learn about anyone with enough time in his cab. He knows Akira is a fan of coffee, but he doesn’t know why exactly he lives in the attic of a coffee shop. He’d tried to hide it at first, giving Takuto different addresses of places to pick him up. Asking to be dropped off in the area and rejecting the alphas attempts to walk him to the door of his house. 

He doesn’t think Akira is a runaway, but he doesn’t seem to have any family looking out for him either. The omega eventually had to admit that he actually  _ lived _ in Leblanc when his insomnia made him want to see Takuto at odd hours of the night. It was obvious he was ashamed about it. Takuto didn’t pry, but he started keeping a list of rental suggestions ready for Akira whenever his baby came. There’s no way a child would be able to thrive in a cafe. 

He’d been excited to figure out how much Akira enjoys retro style video games based on the many faded logo t-shirts he wears. He’s mentioned that he likes playing cards as well. Takuto makes sure to keep a deck in the glove box of his car. Sometimes when Akira wants to ride together around Tokyo with no real destination in mind (and a look in his eyes screams to Takuto that he definitely doesn’t need or want to be alone) they play tic tac toe on the back of fast food receipts. Or sometimes they’ll go rounds of rock paper scissors when nights are  _ really _ slow. 

While Akira still doesn’t really like music he enjoys the podcasts about tabletop game campaigns Takuto plays as they drive around. 

“How do they keep up with everything that happens each session?”

“They have a note taker. It’s someone’s job to keep everyone on track.”

“Hm.”

“We could try it sometime if you want. My friend Shibusawa used to run our games back in college. I bet he’d jump at the chance to do it again.”

“Maybe.”

He’d tried asking Akira about school once. He said he was taking a gap year and then moved on to pointing out some girl’s pink hair. Those were the kind of questions Takuto tried to edge in when the omega is happy and full of something he’d been craving. His scent relaxed, body less tense despite the weight it carries at such a young age. Despite his efforts, Akira’s iron wall has yet to show any cracks. He asked if Akira had lived in Tokyo long. Akira placed his hand on his stomach to feel a kick. Takuto tried talking about his own friends to encourage Akira to join in. Akira let out a yawn loud enough to make his jaw pop and instantly fell asleep in the passenger seat. 

He’s used to clients avoiding tough topics and working them through the skills needed to approach them. With Akira it was almost like everything had the potential to be a landmine for him. So he stays careful, keeps Akira fed and happy. Keeps his eyes peeled for clues into what makes Akira tick.

That’s when he starts to notice patterns.

Maruki notices when grey eyes follow young men with shoulder length brown hair. He’ll stop in his tracks if they have a ponytail. Maruki notices when a Shujin Academy uniform gets a response from Akira too. The first time Takuto watched his whole body tense, as if he were going to bolt from the park. It took a few seconds of calling his name to get Akira to come back out from inside his head. He was quiet the rest of the afternoon, only speaking to thank Maruki for his time.

The second instance it happened, Takuto had already grabbed Akira’s arm ready to redirect them from their path at the mall. But the scent of fear never came. Akira just took it as Takuto wanting to intertwine their arms, called him a cheeky flirt, and they carried on. He knows trauma victims can have varying responses to triggers, but Takuto still tries to plan his routes away from areas busy with high schoolers when he can. It always worries him when Akira shuts down. Like he's waiting for something to come. It's not a feeling he carries often, in fact he's impressed with how lighthearted Akira can be.

Akira really likes when they ride through Shinjuku. He likes the neon lights and flashy outfits of the workers. Especially the rowdy late night patrons who need rides home. Takuto had always enjoyed the stories of the men and women who work the red light district, but now he has a new found appreciation for them.

They always get Akira to shine the most. 

If you’d told Takuto a year ago that his favorite pastime would be driving a pregnant omega around with drag queens who tell stories so debauched they’d make a demon go to church, he would’ve smiled but reassured you that it would likely never happen. 

Now, he wouldn’t trade the braying laughs in his cab for any treasure in the world.

\---

Sometimes Akira would show a surprising amount of vulnerability.

It had been a particularly late night, right around three, when Akira called and like clockwork Takuto got dressed and drove to Leblanc. They drove down to the Odaiba seaside park where they ate a bag of fries that Akira just had to have from this specific twenty-four hour diner. Despite his exhaustion from working all day, Takuto would admit the vinegar sauce _was_ amazing. He’s always sure to let Akira know as much. Omegas take a lot of pride in their food recommendations.

“Thank you, Maruki-san,” Akira’s voice was barely loud enough to hear over the waves. “For always doing this. I’m sure it’s annoying by now, but you never complain.” 

“Never annoying. I get to eat delicious food and see you. And what else are friends for right?” Takuto answers. He’d given up trying to tell Akira he didn’t need to thank him. Really, Takuto felt he owed Akira for giving him a sense of purpose again. The feeling of being needed gave him a high like nothing else and to be that person for Akira specifically made him the luckiest alpha in Japan. 

He sees Akira shiver out the corner of his eye. No surprise, it’s always colder down by Tokyo Bay. He assumes Akira had another bout of insomnia mixed with his fry craving since he strolled out the shop in nothing but leggings, sneakers, and a shirt. 

“Here,” Takuto calls over to get his attention before shrugging out his own worn jacket. “Nice and warm for you.” 

Takuto had never been one to put much stock in charming someone. Rumi had always told him it came natural to him and maybe because she was his first, only, and last partner he took it to heart. Now every time he consciously does something for Akira that he used to do for his past lover he is rewarded with the beautiful creamy rose blush along the younger man’s cheeks. The lightest scent of mocha catches the breeze and it makes Takuto rumble in his chest.

“Thank you again then, I can’t believe I forgot a jacket. You’d think for May it’d be warmer.” Akira sinks into the garment, the collar nearly touching his onyx curls, before grabbing another handful of fries. “Although this basketball under my skin makes me feel like a furnace some days.”

“I’m sure. How is everything going with that? Any more appointments coming up?”

“Juth the twenny week” he mumbles around his snack. Luckily he swallows before continuing. “It’s supposed to be the big one, like the halfway mark. I guess they look for a lot of things in that one.”

Takuto nods as if he has any idea about pregnancy or babies which really he should. He’s old enough that almost all his old friends have at least one or two kids on purpose by now. They don't explicitly say that it's expected of Takuto to attend...well at least _drive_ Akira to this big appointment.

“I’m sure you’re excited then.”

Under the gloomy lamplights and fractal colors from the ferris wheel Takuto can see the tense smile on Akira’s face. Haunted by worries that seem responsible for the dark spots under his eyes.

“Actually, I'm terrified. I keep wondering if I’m doing everything wrong. Every time I go into the clinic I expect them to tell me I fucked up and now my baby’s sick or mangled or dead or—” Akira winds his fingers through his hair and tugs harshly making Takuto at the obvious attempt at mild self harm. He tries to subtly pump out soothing pheromones. 

“I just,  _ fuck _ , I didn’t even know I was even pregnant until I tried doing  _ that  _ shit and then when they told me I just didn’t know how to feel you know? Like am I supposed to be happy? Sad? I don’t know. This poor kid is almost halfway baked and I  _ still _ don’t know.”

Takuto wants to hold him so badly it almost hurts him to not be touching any part of the crying omega next to him. The counselor in him  _ knows _ Akira is going through something horrible, something heavy he can’t manage alone like this. The selfish part of Takuto wants to just be the man that helps him through it. The line separating the two desires had certainly been blurring more over the past weeks. 

He scoots closer to Akira on the hood of the cab they’d been leaning on. He’ll offer the warmth of himself, a line for the drowning man to take if he wants. 

“I think it’s normal to feel different emotions about something like this. I don’t mean to assume but this wasn’t planned correct?

Akira shakes his head, still not releasing his hair. “No.”

Takuto figured as much. 

“Then you’re allowed to have those worries and anxieties. Any parent would. You’re doing your best and I’m sure your baby feels that love all day, every day.” 

He expects Akira to stay silent apart from his practiced breaths they’d worked out to prevent him from having another panic attack. He expects Akira to curl into himself as much as he can while he waits to calm down and then ask Takuto to take him back home, falling asleep on the drive back, and waking softly in front of the coffee shop.

Never would he have expected Akira to grab his hand and lift his arm so that the omega can crawl under it and into his side. Never expected to feel the omega’s soft hair tickle his chin, the weight of his body almost collapsing into his lap.

“I do love them. So much,” he whimpers and the shaking in his thin frame makes Takuto hold him even closer. “I’m so scared I’ll lose them and there will be nothing I can do about it. And no one but me and you will ever know they existed.”

As much as he wants to feel happiness in the fact that Akira is including him, he’s aware enough to know it isn’t the time. 

“Something like that we just can’t control. But you’ve gotten this far with no problems I think your baby is tougher than you can imagine. Just like you.” Takuto hopes his words help. He hopes his hug and rhythmic sliding up and down Akira’s arms help. Akira’s heart is so fragile that even being near him like this makes Takuto feel he’ll accidentally shatter it. 

It makes sense why he keeps such high walls around himself. Still when he lets himself be vulnerable like this, gives in to the instinct to scent and seek comfort, Takuto feels there will be more chances to glimpse to the other side.

\---

Maruki: Would you like to go to the mall today? It’s nice out so we can hit some of the outdoor shops. And I’ll get you a cinnamon pretzel.

Kurusu: very tempting

Kurusu: not feelin good tho

Maruki: Are you okay? Is it Baby?

Kurusu: it’s head sick.

Kurusu: im like i dunno my heart is beating and i just i feel all over

Kurusu: actually can you pick me up im scared im going to do something stupid

Kurusu: unless ur busy then its fine

Kurusu: actually dont come im sorry

Kurusu: im sorry

“Hey uh I gotta go,” Takuto blurts as he shoves his phone in his pocket. “Can I send you money for my drink?” Shibusawa’s eyebrows nearly raised off his face from his friend’s abrupt attempt to leave. 

“Dude you good?” He asks, watching as Takuto grabs his coat and bag. “Yo seriously where’s the fire? We haven’t seen you in like almost a month and now I finally caught you and you’re running out like you got yakuza on ya.” 

“I really am sorry, raincheck okay?”

Shibusawa looks the man over before sighing and getting back to his lunch. 

“Whatever man, I just hope this isn’t a repeat of last time.”

“It isn’t.”

\---

Takuto races to Leblanc only to find it empty apart from a group of people that certainly look Akira’s age but not the omega himself. 

“Oh hey, you’re that one dude.” 

Takuto had come to recognize the young Sakura-san as the owner’s daughter. She was friendly if not a little awkward sometimes, but she treated him well. Across from her at the shop counter sat a man with blond spiky hair and another taller man whose hair was a deep blue color.

“Hello,” Takuto greets trying not to sound as out of breath as he feels. “I’m looking for Kurusu-san, is he around?”

The blond looks at Takuto with what almost feels like a sneer.

“Hell you need Akira for?”

“We’re meeting for lunch.”

The taller man places a finger under his chin. “Akira hasn’t gone out with any of us for some time.”

“And now some stranger comes and says he’s supposed to meet him.” The blond continues.

Takuto looks to Sakura-san for help. She shrugs before going back to making coffee. Guess he’s on his own then. Takuto slides onto a bar stool by the taller male.

“We’ve actually been spending time together for a few weeks now, are you friends of his? My name is Maruki Takuto. Pleasure to meet you.” He offers a bow, making sure his scent is inviting but neither men return the gesture.

“Few weeks? Never heard of ya man, what exactly are you trying to pull?” The blond stands, puffing himself up in an attempt to be more intimidating. “Akira’s our pack omega you know, you can’t just show up and act like some knothead with a claim!”

“Ryuji calm your tits,” Sakura finally interrupts, whipping a dishrag at the blond. “This dude’s literally just been driving Akira around. He’s cool. I think.” 

Takuto offers a reassuring smile. “Thanks, but yeah I’m cool. Just helping out my friend is all. So, back to my question from before. Have you seen him?”

All three shake their heads and it makes dread settle in Takuto’s gut. He hadn’t heard anything since Akira’s texts half an hour before. When he tried calling he couldn’t even get to his voicemail. The phone just rang and rang until beeping to an ending. He doesn’t think his heart has pounded this hard since that night.

“I figured he’d want to stay in his nest with the date and all,” Sakura offers. “He looked kind of messed up this morning and so Dad had me take his shift. I went to check on him when these knuckleheads showed up but he wasn’t up there.”

The date? Takuto checks his phone and it’s June 2nd. Nothing immediately comes to mind as far as holidays. He checks his calendar anyway. Nothing there either, except for he has to take Akira to his twenty week scan next Tuesday. 

“Oof, mind turning that down? Alpha stress stinks.” Sakura waves her hands in front of her face as Takuto reaches to cover the glands on his neck. 

“Sorry, um is it an important date for Kurusu-kun today? If he’s got somewhere to be then maybe he just forgot about our lunch and I can reschedule.”

Ryuji arches a pierced brow at the man.

“You’re guys are  _ best friends _ now and he didn’t even tell you?”

“Well to be fair, he didn’t really tell us either.”

“Not the time Yusuke.”

Takuto turns to Yusuke, he seems the more reasonable of the two. 

“Please, if Akira is your friend I really need to know where he might be. I swear I have no bad intentions, I just want to make sure he’s okay.” Takuto doesn’t want to reveal Akira’s texts. From what he can tell, if Akira hadn’t even told them he was pregnant then they likely don’t know he’d tried to kill himself. Even if they did, Takuto would feel like an absolute piece of shit bringing it up the first time he’s meeting these people. It’s Akira’s burden to share, not his. 

“If I had to guess, he’s probably somewhere around Kichijoji. I know that’s where they used to spend a lot of time together,” Yusuke offers but he’s sure to look to the other two for confirmation. 

“Yeah it’d make sense,” Sakura agrees. “I’d thought about asking if he’d want to do something with the rest of us today. I barely see him anymore unless he’s headed out the door to meet with glasses over here.”

Maybe Takuto should feel guilty for taking up so much of Akira’s time. He should be with his friends, people his actual age, but if they’re all so self absorbed they can’t see the pain their friend is in then he can see why Akira prefers his company.

Takuto is doing the right thing. He’s helping keep Akira alive. 

And he’s going to keep doing it.

“Kichijoji you said? Any particular place?” 

“Either the pool hall or jazz club, but neither is open so he’s probably just wandering,” Ryuji claps a hand on Takuto’s shoulder as he goes to stand. “Good luck man. When Akira gets to wandering only one person could really reel him back in. But I guess if he’s been talking to you then you’re doing something right huh?” 

Takuto feels nearly blinded by Ryuji’s smile. It feels way too genuine for someone who felt ready to jump him earlier. The mood swings of youth are certainly something. 

“Thank you, I’ll be going then. Nice meeting you all.”

Takuto’s hand is around the door handle when he feels a tug on his sleeve. 

“Um, can I have your number?” Sakura asks. She must be quick to have gotten from around the counter that fast. “In case you find Akira. I know this day is probably really hard for him and he hasn’t been talking to us as much you know?” 

“Yes of course, here you go.” He quickly pulls a card out of his wallet because every second spent here is another moment Akira is wandering alone. Upset and alone. Upset, pregnant, and alone on some sort of important date.

“Thanks. I’m sorry it’s just, well, I mean it’s hard on all of us. We were all friends with Goro, but of course that isn’t the same as what he and Akira had and—”

Oh shit, she’s info dumping. Sakura-san obviously needs someone to talk about this with and under any other circumstance Takuto would have no issues with lending someone an ear and open heart to work out their problems. But this timing is less than ideal.

“—whole thing is really shitty and I know Akira tries to take a lot of the blame and it’s no one’s fault like this kind of shit just happens but he’s just that kind of guy and we’re all worried but also grieving and—”

“Futaba!” Ryuji blurts causing everyone but Yusuke to jump. “Man is obviously on a mission, he can’t find Akira if you don’t let him leave!”

Futaba looks sheepishly up to Takuto. “M’sorry.”

“No no, it’s okay!” Takuto replies. “I feel awful I’m in a hurry, next time I swing by I’d love to chat over coffee. I’ll text you any updates about Kurusu-kun okay?” With everyone reassured, Takuto finally is able to head to Kichijoji, praying the whole way Akira’s friends are actually right in their guess of his whereabouts. He’d already used up his one gift of divine timing.

Why did he even agree to go to lunch with Shibusawa? Yeah he’d been putting it off, but Akira needed him more. Shibusawa wasn’t at risk. He should’ve kept his morning open. If he’d texted Akira sooner maybe he could’ve reached him before he became a “mess” as Futaba had called him. 

He parallel parks, thankful that he won’t get a ticket no matter how long this takes, and hits the ground running. 

All the scents in Kichijoji are overwhelming. The different dynamics, the scent of the coming rain, the open air restaurants, everything crosses through his brain and makes it that much harder to pick up Akira. 

Maybe he’s a fool, thinking he’d be able to just pick up a trace and find a way to get the omega back in his arms. Gently remind him that whenever he feels _head sick_ he can call Takuto and the alpha will always be there for him. 

As the clouds grow darker the crowd begins to thin as more people start seeking shelter. It paints a haunting deja vu in Takuto. The reminder only serves to make his heart beat faster.

He pokes his head in shops, stops for every head of black hair, but there’s no sign of Akira anywhere. Takuto tries calling again but this time the phone doesn’t even ring. Just clicks and ends the call. 

“Fuck.”

He slams his back against the brick wall of the alley. 

“Fuck.” 

He can’t fail again. He can’t lose someone close to him again. 

_ It’s not your fault. _

It is his fault. He knows better. He’s supposed to do better. Be better.

_ There was nothing anyone could have done. We don’t blame you Takuto. She’d been sick for years. We’re more sorry you got caught up in it. _

He sinks down to the gritty pavement, despite the odd looks from passersby. There’s the distant clack of his phone slipping out his hand and hitting the ground as he lowers his head to his knees and curls around himself. 

_ Rumi wouldn’t want you to shoulder that guilt. _

What the fuck could Rumi want anything if she’s dead?

“Maruki-san?”

Takuto can feel the way his neck creaks from how quickly he whips his head to look up. Above him, holding an umbrella to shield him from the rain, is the face any angel would envy. 

His guiding light.

“Akira,” he whispers. “Akira, what happened?” He clears his throat before standing careful of Akira’s growing stomach. He can’t let him see him be weak. He needs to be the one Akira can trust to shoulder his weight. 

“Maruki-san what are you doing here? I almost walked over you. Come here before you get wet.” He arranges Takuto so they share the large black umbrella. He doesn’t offer any further conversation until he’s able to guide them beneath an overhang. Jazz Jin the sign says. 

Rain pitters and patters then falls in harsh sheets along the city. It soaks the unfortunates caught in it but serves to cool down Takuto’s flushed cheeks. Akira still says nothing.

“Are you okay?”

Akira only hums. 

“I was looking for you. Your texts—”

“I’m fine now.”

There’s such finality in it that Akira leaves no room for argument. Takuto doesn’t smell the fear or stress that normally accompanies him. 

Just chocolate and rain.

They’re silent again and Takuto worries all their progress they’ve made in whatever one would call this relationship will halt. Or even worse reverse to when all he could get from Akira were one word answers.

He goes to surface level once more.

“Seems like it’s been raining a lot lately,” the comment sounds even sillier with the rumble of thunder from far off. “So if it ever starts feeling like it’s wearing you down, just call me okay?”

Akira huffs.

“Yes of course, but are  _ you _ okay Maruki-san? I know I’m a mess but, well, if you ever want to talk I can listen just as well.” Akira makes sure to look at him directly.

“You’re the one always telling me to rely on others and release my worries but you should do the same.”

It surprises him, but Takuto’s slowly learning to always expect Akira to keep him on his toes. 

“I will. Thank you. Do you have any more business around here? Have you eaten yet today?”

A sadness washes over Akira’s face as he looks down to whatever he’s holding in his fist. 

“I’m almost done. This was my last stop actually.” When Akira unravels his hands Takuto realizes he’s holding a black glove. It looks well loved. 

“Would you like me to stay or go? Whatever you need.”

“You can stay. I’m not going inside. They’re closed anyway.”

Takuto holds Akira’s umbrella and does what he always does with the omega. He watches. He watches as Akira smooths out the front of a black polo that looks much too tight over his round middle. Watches him turn and clap his hands and bow in front of the door like he’s honoring the dead. Watches as tears run down round cheeks and his lower lip wobbles. 

Now that Takuto isn’t running on adrenaline from trying to find Akira, parts of his conversation at the coffeeshop come back to him. 

“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come back here.”

Grieving.

“I’m sorry you can’t be here with me.”

Guilty.

“But I’ll be sure to bring your blessing here once they cross over to this side. Watch over them, okay Goro?”

Goro.

“I love you. Happy Birthday. I’m sorry.”

\---

They ride back to Shibuya to the sound of wind shield wipers and podcasts. Eventually Akira starts to snore in the passenger seat. Takuto assumes he probably had no chance at rest the night before. Not with his already terrible insomnia, mixed in the fact it was the eve of Goro’s birthday. 

Goro, the sire of Akira’s child. 

Goro, who’s gone and Akira feels responsible for it.

Goro, who Akira still loves very much.

And obviously he would, he’s carrying the man’s child. The last piece of his legacy. 

As a counselor it makes him want to do more to ease the hurt in Akira’s heart. How awful he must feel over everything. As an alpha it makes him want to protect Akira from any further harm. 

But now he feels he has a million more questions from his few answers to previous ones. What happened to Goro? Where is his family and why aren’t they looking out for the omega who’s carrying his child? Is there maybe bad blood? Are they planning on taking the baby and leaving Akira out to dry? He’s seen it happen before in the more influential circles of clients. 

Takuto doesn’t make a glamorous living, certainly not enough to take care of Akira the way he deserves, but he truly believes if it came to something like that...he’d be happy to step up and take responsibility.

Someone as wonderful as Akira Kurusu didn’t deserve any of this, not this young, not ever. Takuto swears to himself on that rainy day in June that for as long as Akira would let him stay by his side, he’d support him in whatever way he needed.

Friendship. Financially. Maybe even more in the future but that would be too greedy to ask for. He knows it took years for him to even be okay thinking about Rumi without needing to stop to count breaths afterwards.

If Takuto’s math is correct, based on how far along Akira is and how recent the trauma might be, he infers that Goro passed away either the end of January or early February. Akira's attempted suicide was in March so of course it was still early enough that he wouldn’t know he’d been pregnant. 

Maybe that had been the key to his incredible strength now. The device keeping him afloat in his ocean of grief. Or maybe Akira is just strong in his own way. Takuto could admit his own weakness only to himself but he’d at least let Akira know he admired that he could still celebrate Goro’s birthday. 

Even though he cried and his voice wavered, he persevered. He wants to praise that, keep the behavior going in the future, but he’ll have to get Akira to actually try and open up on his own about this.

So maybe Akira still had his high walls around him. He needed that protection, needed that feeling of security when he had to be feeling like the most vulnerable person in the world.

But that’s okay. Takuto can see the light on the other side and has no problem putting in the work to scale such heights.

The warmth will be worth the effort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!
> 
> Shout out to my friend Sycamore for encouraging me to get this update out.   
> Reminds me I need to go show some of my fave authors some love soon. Biggest motivator I tell ya.
> 
> Let me know what you think :3

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated and help me become a better writer <3


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